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Silicon Palidin

Decent in to Darkness

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I have been having issues sleeping lately. Not the usual issues such as the dead screaming so loud that you stay jumpy for the rest of the night, or the terrible dreams that many have of everything falling apart those many months ago. No, I can't sleep because I'm afraid that she will try to kill me.

Ever since I got myself clean of all...well, stuff I shouldn't use casually, I have began to see her more and more. In the beginning she was in the corner of my eye always watching me, but whenever I tried to get a good look at her she would disappear. Like she was playing with me. After a while I could see her plain as day. She often stood upon the top of hills or buildings. A few times she even waved.

Now it feels like she is always there. When I wake up she is sitting right in front of me. Every time half of her face is missing, replaced with a mess of gory mush. Her hands around my neck griping my throat so tightly that I feel like my neck is going to snap. Then she disappears. When she just appears while I scavenge it looks like nothing has happened to her. She often attempts to lead me astray. Many a time in to a group of infected. Sometimes to a tall building where I snap out of her trance before I take that last, final leap.

The latest misery I have experienced was when I was resting near the town of Guglovo. I was almost about to fall asleep when she found me again. She sat down with me at my fire. Still wearing that smart outfit she wore that day.The she grabbed my hand, her smooth skin felt the same as it did on that terrible day. She began to move my hand with her's towards my pistol, put my hand around it, and pushed it up to my head. The words that I could hear were some of the happiest most calming words I have ever heard. She said that she would help me end it so that I could stop feeling the guilt. To allow me to move on peacefully as I helped her move on. My finger reached for the trigger with the help of her delicate touch. A calm peace hit me. It would all be over soon.

A gunshot went of in the distance. She had left me there with the gun up to my head and with myself willing to pull the trigger. I threw the gun away and broke down in to tears. The horror of what happened struck my heart with guilt and shame. I almost ended my own life. She wouldn't want that, I was supposed to keep living. Then again, maybe she changed her mind...

I haven't slept properly in three days. I can't carry on like this. Some people would say look for help from others but there is no saving me. No point anyway since i'm mostly likely insane or being haunted by the spirits of the dead. I'll try my best to hide her presence but I don't know how well that will work. Maybe some morphine will help keep her of my mind. Yeah, that sounds like the only way to sleep now. The only way to keep her away. The only way to finally rest.

I'm sorry Lucy. Please forgive me.

Please.

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I have been having issues sleeping lately. Not the usual issues such as the dead screaming so loud that you stay jumpy for the rest of the night, or the terrible dreams that many have of everything falling apart those many months ago. No, I can't sleep because I'm afraid that she will try to kill me.

Ever since I got myself clean of all...well, stuff I shouldn't use casually, I have began to see her more and more. In the beginning she was in the corner of my eye always watching me, but whenever I tried to get a good look at her she would disappear. Like she was playing with me. After a while I could see her plain as day. She often stood upon the top of hills or buildings. A few times she even waved.

Now it feels like she is always there. When I wake up she is sitting right in front of me. Every time half of her face is missing, replaced with a mess of gory mush. Her hands around my neck griping my throat so tightly that I feel like my neck is going to snap. Then she disappears. When she just appears while I scavenge it looks like nothing has happened to her. She often attempts to lead me astray. Many a time in to a group of infected. Sometimes to a tall building where I snap out of her trance before I take that last, final leap.

The latest misery I have experienced was when I was resting near the town of Guglovo. I was almost about to fall asleep when she found me again. She sat down with me at my fire. Still wearing that smart outfit she wore that day.The she grabbed my hand, her smooth skin felt the same as it did on that terrible day. She began to move my hand with her's towards my pistol, put my hand around it, and pushed it up to my head. The words that I could hear were some of the happiest most calming words I have ever heard. She said that she would help me end it so that I could stop feeling the guilt. To allow me to move on peacefully as I helped her move on. My finger reached for the trigger with the help of her delicate touch. A calm peace hit me. It would all be over soon.

A gunshot went of in the distance. She had left me there with the gun up to my head and with myself willing to pull the trigger. I threw the gun away and broke down in to tears. The horror of what happened struck my heart with guilt and shame. I almost ended my own life. She wouldn't want that, I was supposed to keep living. Then again, maybe she changed her mind...

I haven't slept properly in three days. I can't carry on like this. Some people would say look for help from others but there is no saving me. No point anyway since i'm mostly likely insane or being haunted by the spirits of the dead. I'll try my best to hide her presence but I don't know how well that will work. Maybe some morphine will help keep her of my mind. Yeah, that sounds like the only way to sleep now. The only way to keep her away. The only way to finally rest.

I'm sorry Lucy. Please forgive me.

Please.

good read :D

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Are you planning on writing more, Daniel? Would love another entry :D

Maybe. If I find more time to play in order to get some more stories I will. :)

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