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Stagsview

A Descent into Decay.

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Stagsview    589

Ironic... Everything is ironic.

For so long now, I fought, I lied, I bent the truth, I took morals away for objectives and now? Hmph.

I guess this is it. But you.. You failed me the most, trickster.

I managed to find "some" who survived the event, and to tell the truth... Part of me is glad.... But the things I heard... I... No they can't be true.. They wouldn't.. Il visit the old camp tonight when it's safe. I'm not going to stop writing to you... No matter where you are.

I've been hearing rumors in the wind.... I really don't to believe if this is true... If it is... We need to regroup.. And fast. I won't have much time here, this is going to be a hard game.

Today I went to prud, I sat, I listened, I watched... Like ha.. Well you know when.. Don't you old friend? I saw my target... I lured him tricked him... From there he was my puppet, everything he was I made him face, there was no code holding me back... No morals and no walls. I shot him like the dog he was... The first of many, such a list.. I need no help, this is my vendetta.

I blame everything on you kid.. You, are, selfish. You to my old friend, you ran away from a fight like a coward.... Nobody but myself understood this or how to confront it. I changed for all of you, now you all abandon me.... Only few remain... All i can say is...

Fuck

You

I need to find who else is around. But now the code failed... I warned everyone... They just did not want to freaking listen for once! I'm tired of orders, I'm ashamed of our actions... So you know what?

I'm going to play this game my way now. The list is long and time is short.

Rumor has it I'm a wanted man...

Best of luck lads.. See you besides kallies grave tonight

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Mick    8

Interesting... :P

I like it a lot Staggs!

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Samaritan    254

Intriguing, more needed!

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Stagsview    589

Thank you.. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

There are others.. Owww christ there are others. I don't believe in god but thank you who ever watches over us if you are real.

I... Need to find them.. I just have to, I've just been hearing horrible things... Just horrible.. No, no,no, no your a bastard...

Se que estas cerca! Me escuchas!? Hijo de puta, no vales para nada! Eres peor que todo que hemos peleado por, donde te ha ido tu dignidad?

..... Why?.. You... I... We had a promise...

Well.. At least some are "alive"... Some are "keeping it real".. They are the lucky ones.. The ones who, well have something left of them.. Bless you owen.. Bless your soul. Damn all this shit...

I got 4 names.

3 are rumors 1 is ensured.. The rest i guess are dead... Being the ones who hunt... We are all being hunted 1 by 1... And our numbers are dwelling now... I need to find a safe place for my group.. We need to stick together or we will all die like dogs! Just look what happened today ha! Fish!

I never expected him to survive those shots... I hit him, yeah! I must of at least hit him 3 times.. I killed that bastarf... Hmmm, i guess it goes with the name ha? You are a slippery fish.. You got what you wanted.. Happy? It fucking hurts to walk now and it's hard to run without losing balance... I never knew that we depend on our toes so much to keep up straight.

But.... Things are not all that bad...

I met someone, he says he can help us... Regroup us.. Sure, hes younger than me and is a sly little piece of shit but..

I like him

He's smart... He lies, he cheats and surprizingly is not a very violent man... He likes keeping away from the cities... He kepted quoting that:

To high of a risk, best to keep further to not get frisk..

Funny lad... Hates the sight of blood though... I heard him sweel like a child when we went near the hospital or near any raw meat...

Strange man...

Yet... He has plans.. Clever ones.. He says he has contacts and people... Let's see where this takes me.

I wonder if costa will want to kill me once he remembers?

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Stagsview    589

Time to time I do tend to wonder what would of happened if I never contacted the professor. I mean, I still don't understand why or how we truely did meet but you could say I owned him one. He didn't need to waste his time and energy on me, I was one if them, one who he felt like.. Well you know... As his father always said: Damn shitbirds. Ha.. Yet He wasted his time on me, took me to the free medics, patched me up and never asked any questions, he just sat there... Smiling, never hestant in anything and treated me like a brother, I knew I could trust the man from the start but now...

Since he is gone I... I don't know, I been trying to contact people and help them but with all these new bounty hunters and groups turning up I really can not get around that much without having a scope on my head.. In my previous entries I know some are alive and I know Tom smith is hanging around with a group of Russians or chernarussian I have no clue.. They all sound the same... Since coming here my respect for russians has just died down bit by bit and now I really can't get close to one without fearing for my life... I know its stupid but... It's how I feel now kallie... It's hard these days.

I've been laying low, radio contact here and there and hiding up north... It's not the best but those shitbirds never bother trying to get close to the border so.. It's kind of safe.. All I know from rumors that.. People want me dead... No matter the cost.

He contacted me today again kallie, the young man. We met up in our usual meeting spot and talked, he's a paranoid little thing but he has done a good job for everything I have been asking him. I am in no state to lead and he has huge potential to become something and reunite the group, he says he will find them all and bring back the group to a safe and ideal manner... Promising us a home... Safety and somewhere we all can live in peace without worry from here.

He calls it Luminus. A save haven for us all... Its where hs claims he stayed for a few months before tracking out up north.. past the border and past what he likes to call the "deadzone".. A place where a nuclear reactor blew up and has whiped clean all life up north.... He says it spams for about 20km radius... But its worth the risk if you have the right supplies. Maybe the council could "supply" us with them

Rumor has it that in western europe that there are active settlements and safe zones... He even stated back home by the southern coast where he came there's a place called "Falange"... I would of never expected him to help me after all we have been through... Back at the prizon... After those fights and those nights...

The man is a shapeshifter, sly, cowardly... But he is dangerus and a fucking pyschopath... He records nearly everything has has nearly every single watcher encounter recorded on his voice tapes along that book of his... Pictures and names...

If the council ever got a hold of him... We would have to kill him..

Thank god he's not a idiot... Sure a few screws lose but he has plans... Objectives and common goals.

Soon my dears..

Sidenote: need to check the watcher camp again for any clues of sophia and sweetjoe, also write the next update if shes alive..

Miles could really help us all out here..

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Ironicman    7

I always love to read how staggs thinks kepe going with this cause i loooovee reading it fufu :D

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Stagsview    589

Life now has become a question who Is going to shoot me first. Will it be someone in my former command? A old enemy? Or a random stranger trying to take something from me by taking it of my cold dead hands.

I have no loyality left yet I hold people in the tips of my finger's... This sence of influence I never knew I had around me... People who I worked with respect me.. Help me... Even god damn trust me.. How? The further away someone is to me they trust me more the closer they want to put a bullet via my brain.. This is Little poetic in a sence and I am starting to enjoy it, I have more command now over others than being who I was now...

I could promote something along the masses and use this to my acord... Even though hundreds want me dead, loads stilk respect me and from a snap of my fingers do what I want...

I love it!!

But no, we both know what needs to be done... Her objectives are more important than anything and my investigations are for what I need to do. The information is all slowly falling into place... Now I must protect her in every way possible... I do not care in the slightest anymore for a cure... i care for her and what will make her happy... I care for not the glory but only for once for someone to do something for her for once... You saved my life once lass.. You brought me back and showed me every... I thank you but..

The only game I know is mine.

You may diagree with my manners... Objectives... How.. Why etc... It no longer follows the code..

The code is a lie.. It always has been... The prof is the trickster and I was his puppet... No more.. I am loyal only to you.. You may find it inhumain.. Corruptive and destructive but it gets the job done.. Thats all that matters for me.

Once that is done I have no idea what's next... To tell the truth I'm hoping to get killed doing this... I never had a reason in living.. I always was the fuck up.. A nosy little sod... A piece of shit not worth anyones time that did more harm than good... Fuck you all.

Met a few lasses... Lately... Amy and daisy.. They know who I am... They know what I know..I don't half give flying fuck... I like them.... A lot really.. They do what they need to and I respect that...even they sold Dora to Matt... Now the game is in his favor... I might need to ask volki for another favor.

Seeker gave me the intel I needed.. Rynder, briana, owen.. Now i need ghosts.. And I will not hold back old friend.. Then the rest of the list I have to options:

Kill them or get them to support me.

But what I have learnt is: They where no Russians, they where council. Your move god.. Bite me.. Take me down! I'm waiting! Fuck I've been waiting so long and you are just a tease now...

KILL ME! COME AT ME! I'VE BEEN READY FOR YEARS.

I'm ready..

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SatansNightOut    105

Jesus. I suddenly feel so heartless. xD

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Ironicman    7

Just watch out with the power staggy cause we dont want our little commi turning fascisti ;)

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Moose    7

Its so cool to read into the thoughts of Staggs. Girl u crazy

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Stagsview    589

Passion has turned into a flaming Desire inside of me that can reap havoc among all those you come around me being the trigger for all that I am and who I shall be. Those who try seek me or try to control me eventually become something among the lines of a puppet for the will of the puppeteer with a suppressed egotistic personality that soon shall be my own demise.

These words truly do not make any sense now I look back at them now, how native a person I am.

That..Was my way of thinking for a long time.. Only until yesterday evening have I learnt from the events that carry me from a person who hides from everything who he is for his own protection now forcing himself into a space of decay now a fear that has been controlling me for the last few years. Ever since the outbreak happened all I have been doing and "done" is run and hide. A personality that for others may be distant from my own yet becoming me.

Is this who "I" am now? Is everything that I did because I wanted to not because of a matter of morals or guide lines set in front of my face.

I always said In the watchers that one must except his actions as his own and the code was the guidelines to teach you the true way in life and to punish every single individual of what he or she did. A matter of questions have started to arise and The code was never perfect... I knew that extremely well yet I decided to ignore every single hit or hint I had upon me.

Did anyone learn anything? Yes..people learnt. But emotions got in the way..The code Was a path like for others a Utopian mindset for a dreamer and a madman to practice his actions behind a cult of individuals that thought they where a new species of super human entity. Us as a species are incapable to cope with such acts.. Nothing a Sane person would be able to take..

Do I regret all my actions? No, I stick to them with pride, and my past I shall stick with as much as I can..the uncanny and things I have done. If I have no regret and never learn from them then I shall never mature or become something else beyond a simple minded person. The amount of times I have been shoot, The amount of times I have shoot... That was me..Nobody else.. I did it.. Not "him" he is not a master nor some god like entity around me moving the chess pieces.

I shall not push aside this any more as it is me and I was always in control... The illusion of not being was a safe trigger, something to make me "think" and isolate myself from the real problem and it can be dealt by another..pushing my acts onto something else... Yes I punished myself for it.. Heck why did I do it in the first place? A person does not just do something with no real motive... Was I to believe I was some sort of individual higher than the status of God himself? How native way of thinking...It reminded me of the lyrics of a song I loved for ages and lived my life to for ages Green Carnation:

I think, therefore I am

You are a fantasy

Made by me

I dream this world

When I end, the world will end with me

I am everything

You are me

Sleep my child to never be

I fell asleep, to sweet lullaby

A sleep in which I had a dream

In this dream

I conceived a perfect plan

That would change the face of mankind

For it was my dream

To create a perfect world

From this cold imperfect world

And all the answers were inside my mind

And I was unafraid

The dream was so enticing

The dream was so enticing, It is a safer world living in a dream world upon others and keeping yourself safe from the world around you, I was awake yet I was still asleep in a world of my own creation.

What now then? I really have no idea but I do know a few things, Jusef and his snark little thing that their tongues clanged onto like a hook in a fishes mouth.. They where right, I am a coward... Communism has failed and everyone just is as egotistic as the rest... The system can not work... not even now.. It could if we as a human species fucking tried from the beginning we are a failed experiment and disgrace to anything intelligent.. Give a man fire and he will want to burn something.. Our only nature is destruction and to try and construct order from order therefor creating chaos from a natural order that was already perfect...

I guess from here I can only do what our nature calls, What I want is what shall be.. and I want this to end..now..no more.. I have had enough of everything I could hang myself today but then I would be running from the problems again... It's time I face them once and for all... But as me, not me thinking it's something or someone else... This time I won't ask for forgiveness... Goodnight Kallie

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Owen    13

Another good insight to Staggs mind. I know more is coming.

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Guest   
Guest

After finally having the time to read this, I will say this.

Your work is excellent, it really describes your character, but at the same time, contains a sort of mystery behind it. The only thing I notice is a few thread layout problems, including the last vignette you posted with the whole "" at the top.

Have you ever considered using mp3s in this? I imagine a dark soundtrack being used for someone like Staggs.

All in all, keep it up! :D

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Stagsview    589

Thank you all for the kind word's I just write them to get into the mindset of my character, I want to do a new one But Im struggling to "get" is going via his mind instead of mine.

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Guest   
Guest

I think I know whatvyou're talking about with the whole "get" thing, I myself have run in to that same problem a couple of times on that thread.

However, for me the only way to get through it is just to write, "even if it seems stupid" is what my cousin says to me. (Who reads my crap aswell here) Like, begin thinking how the character acts, then just write it down on a sheey of paper. Refer to my old guide and put your chatacter in tough situations and think how he would handle it.

If you need help with writing dude, just pm me and I'll be more then happy to help, or at least try and help.

I'd link my guide but I'm still using a phone and still Peru. :D

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Stagsview    589

An enemy never dies, Well.. Unless you kill one of them, then it's replaced with another and another until every single person you killed is replaced with one that becomes another lust for vengance upon your part. The people die but the term does not. We will always have An enemy.

Since we all left on our seperate path's I know do have my finger's in even more pot's, fuck I even am helping out people Who I want dead yet, I helped them... It's all part of the plan. I need to get the small fry out of the way first before trying to plan something on any big fish, Some of the people involved in Sophia's death will not be easy to find as I rarely ever do see them. In fact, they are more alusive than any surviving liberation front members. I remember back in the day when Munro told me that some are still around, I wonder to myself where are they? Something like that just does not "die" like that with no warning, The idea there is still active and around... No.. Just like us, the fire may die out but the ashes still burn in small area's.. Something is up and I want to find out.

I got to admit, I have grown very fond of them, even though they are both crazy as hell, who is not these day's? At these they know how to give a good laugh at it and really do it for logical motives, Greed has become a main factor since Watchers are no longer a potential force around here, and with the Brotherhood of Steel now gone, Various groups now run wild in the fild with no real master to withhold them. The wolves are becoming far to strong. I have encountered their roadblocks various time's, they even invite me into their ranks, Andrei wants me with him by his side. Like the good old days ha ya commi bastard? No, I have other plans and other objectives around here, soon... But back onto the topic of the lasses:

I have grown very fond of them, they are entertaining... Well each one provides their own signature dish with them. Amy is by far the more complex of the two yet...the other I show more interest in, It's unlike me, and on top of it I let it get to me! I even told her my name for fuck's sake, The plan was simple, The use her! Abuse and tool to get closer to Amy..Well...The plan itself Is going perfectly yet...Part of me does not want to, I see her and I see something I don't quiet understand, It intreges me and pushes me of track from what I should be doing and What I want. But, maybe this is what I want... Let's see how this unfoldes, I got to admit, She is growing on me...But I really need to stop letting her be the boss, or should I not and give the illusion she is in command? It could work out for me.... Yeah....It's a option.

I'm tired of Matt, I've had it with him, I have shot him 3 times now and he still does not die, Fuck him, I'l leave him in peace..my job with him is done, Onto the next target, Next game... I only have 2 more bounties to destroy and then I'm a free man to conquer these wastes, but yet as I quoted from the Start, once this is done there will be another objective and another and another...

Maybe I should just leave?..I don't know anymore, Miles tell's me that he still has some sort of radio contact back home with the Falange but they will kill me on sight...

Time will tell I guess... Sleep well lass..Try and face the hallways for once..

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Moose    7

The hallways are endless Staggs. I can't stop or they'll catch me.

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Stagsview    589

Not a mention about Ol' Ivan 3

Soon

// I really need to see you IC more, or your actions effect my character's mentality,ticks or just does something to catch his attention. Ivan for him is just "another sucicidal maniac" soo...it really just give him any reason to think about something that depresses him.

But I enjoy your RP do not think I don't, All messages are purely IC and how Stagg's Thinks. Thanks for reading anyway ;)

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