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Guest ModernZomgie

Jake Baulch - What do you think?

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Guest ModernZomgie   
Guest ModernZomgie

My name is Jake Baulch, I'm 16 year old male and I'm alone right now. It's how it's always been for me. My parents went away on holiday 2 years ago, they were meant to return after a month but never did. I turned on the TV and saw a newly discovered virus was surfacing, I didn't think much of it and carried on my day.

I went to the 'Elektro college of engineering' in the hope that I could move into the bigger town Cherno or abroad. When I'm not studying I work on my parents farm, tending to the cows we have and maintaining the little crops we have.

It started 4 months after my parents left, it was quite late and I was finishing up on the crops when someone started walking towards me. I called out asking him who he was but he never responded, that's when he started running at me. Following my instincts I ran back to the house and locked the doors, went down into the basement where my Dad built us a 'bunker' incase things went bad. He was a nervous person, he believed that we'd someday need to use the bunker when we have a nuclear war, or the inactive volcano to the east of elektro were to erupt, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

A small TV was in the corner of the room broadcasting an emergency message from the town of Stary, 'STAY IN DOORS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! ARMED FORCES WILL FIND YOU AND EVACUATE YOU OUT THE CITY JUST STAY IN YOUR HOUSES!' At first I didn't think much of it, maybe another bombing but I felt save down here, now I thought my dad wasn't so crazy after all. I looked around me at the shelves, rows upon rows of canned baked beans and tuna with bottled gallons of water stashed away in the corner, that's when I began to worry.

Upstairs there was a knock on the door, then a loud smash, in fear I locked myself in the basement hoping someone would shout and I'd know it was the military... I waited for days.. the days turned into weeks... the weeks turned into months... Isolating myself in the basement drove me crazy, the most I could do was walk around, marking the walls every day and occasionally turning on the radio, but there was only static.

I was sound asleep when there was loud bang from outside, it didn't sound like a bomb, but it wasn't a knock on the door either. I opened the hatch to find a decayed creature laying in front of me on the floor, he started towards me slowly, I grabbed my pen knife from my pocket and warned him to stay back. I knew that I wouldn't be able to kill him, he looked human, but maybe I could scare him off. As he got closer I looked for a way out and saw the window, it was smashed but a sufficient escape so I climbed out the window and looked down upon the town that I once grew up in. There was nothing, no vehicles, no people, devoid of any sign of live. The decaying buildings made the small city look like a ghost town.

I heard a thump behind me and it was the creature slipping from the window onto the ground. I ran back inside and went down into the basement, I locked myself in once more and listened to the radio... Static...

It's been a month since I last went up, I've been recording my thoughts in this diary since I went up to try keep me sane and help remember who I am, and what my identity is.

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Hope you guys liked it! I will continue the story another time once I get some more ideas, if you want to know anything or got some ideas comment on this, thanks!

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Burgz    6

It was a good read but I'm confused about the timescale. Your parents left for holiday, 2 years ago. Yet the first sign of the infection was 4 months after they left. Did they leave you behind for an unknown reason or are you assuming to was the infection that stopped them?

Other than that, like I said it's pretty good. Try adding more descriptions of the surroundings and his feelings etc?

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Guest ModernZomgie   
Guest ModernZomgie

It was a good read but I'm confused about the timescale. Your parents left for holiday, 2 years ago. Yet the first sign of the infection was 4 months after they left. Did they leave you behind for an unknown reason or are you assuming to was the infection that stopped them?

Other than that, like I said it's pretty good. Try adding more descriptions of the surroundings and his feelings etc?

The reason I didn't explain my parents was because it's something I that will be a large part of the story later on :)

I will try include some more details of surroundings and how the character feels, I also tried to skip it so that the story isn't too long haha but thanks for the advice, I will try include that later on.

Thanks :)

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