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My character's story, pls feedback :)


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My name is Max Daniels and I came into Chernarus with my mum, my dad and my two brothers Lon and Mike. I always had a good bond with all of them.

We came to Chernarus for a family vacation. On 20 March 2012 me and my brothers woke up in our tent in the middle of the night because we heard weird noises. We looked at each other and said: "What the hell was that??". Then my brother Lon went out of the tent with the camping knife. We waited a few seconds and me and Mike also went outside. We saw this weird looking trail that looked like blood. We saw Lon walking towards our parents' tent and he looked back at us standing in front of the tent. We were slowly walking towards him. It was very quiet which made it very scary. When we arrived at the tent I looked inside and I was shocked. Our parents were all torn up and bloody. They were definitely dead.... Me and my brothers loved zombie movies so we were really scared because our parents were talking about some kind of infection 2 days ago after we went on holiday. We gathered some supplies from the tents and went walking towards the road and we kept following the road and came in a big town. There was a sign outside of town with some weird letters. We tried to read it and we eventually ended up calling it Elektro. We went into town and saw some dark silhouettes walking very strange. I thought they were people that were injured and we started walking towards them. Then they looked at us.. We saw 2 glowing green eyes looking at us... We ran but me and Mike lost Lon rather soon. We tried finding him but we didn't yell since we were scared that those freaks would hear us and do the same they did to our parents. It was turning night and we needed fire. We went into the forest for wood and I soon lost Mike too.. Scared and alone I setup a little place to sleep and a fire. The next day I started walking not knowing where I was going so that's where my adventure began.....

(This story is linked to Lon Welman's story)

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At the beginning I thought this was a copy of Lon's backstory, then I saw what you said at the end. :D

I see you changed the points made in Lon's thread.

I like your short POV of what happened after seeing the zombies at Elektro, of how you felt of losing your two brothers.

Good backstory man. :)

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At the beginning I thought this was a copy of Lon's backstory, then I saw what you said at the end. :D

I see you changed the points made in Lon's thread.

I like your short POV of what happened after seeing the zombies at Elektro, of how you felt of losing your two brothers.

Good backstory man. :)

Thanks for the feedback! And yes indeed Lon told me immediately what his feedback was because we are both very thrilled about getting on DayZRP. But anyway thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it :)

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I like the two linked stories, I don't see that often. :)

Like I said in Lon's thread, more detail on the personality of your character and all that will make them feel real.

Considering these are two related characters, I also want to know if they like each other, or are they rivals?

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I like the two linked stories, I don't see that often. :)

Like I said in Lon's thread, more detail on the personality of your character and all that will make them feel real.

Considering these are two related characters, I also want to know if they like each other, or are they rivals?

Okay thanks a lot, our idea was that this was like a diary and i think you don't describe your personality in a diary. And it also states that I had a good bond with all of them. But thanks for the feedback and we'll see how we will put it in the story :)

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