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Server time (UTC): 2023-02-03 16:16

Need Advice - Therapist


Almond

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  • Emerald

I play video games for a minimum of 6 hours a day all throughout the week. My parents have gotten to the point where they are ready to do anything to get me off my computer.

In their latest attempt, they took me to the school therapist (not actually sure what to call her) to talk to me about my addiction with my computer. I told her about how I have made more friends online than I ever will in real life, and how all gamers (at least the ones I know) are on the same boat when in comes to social interactions. I also explained how DayZRP works, and the community we have here.

After we talked, she told me I had "Video Game Addiction" In other words, "...an excessive or compulsive use of computer games or video games, which interferes with a person's everyday life."* and told me I can only play around one to two hours a day now. (Not like I didn't already know that)

I begged my parents and explained to them how bored I would be. They ignored me, and took the school therapists' advice.

Basically, my life has become an odd game where I try to sneak online whenever I can.

Any suggestions for how I could deal with this? I accept the fact that I am obsessive, but I can't make this dramatic of a change so quickly in my life.

- Almond

(P.S. I come out as a douche to my parents in this post. I want to make it clear that I love them, before anyone gets the wrong idea.)

*Source: Wikipedia

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This is gonna sound really obvious.

Get a hobby, join a tennis club, read. You good at programming or writing stories? Figure out what else you enjoy doing, apart from playing computer. Also, talk to your parents, see if you can do a gradual reduction. Agree to drop the amount you play by so and so much every week.

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  • Sapphire

Ah man, that sucks! My parents tell me I spend too much time on my PC, and I know I do. But I feel the same as you, I've made friends here, some give better conversation that IRL friends!

IMO - having a serious talk might work, sitting your parents down and then talking to then saying how much you want it. Try add a joke in their too, jokes are cool :P GOOD LUCK MAN <3

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Try telling them that creating characters and stories in RP helps you in school somehow, explain that most people here are adults with jobs, friends and families. And show that therapist how BS is having a computer addiction, while people use smart phones all day and social medias.

Reread it and i think that for a weekend you should stop playing completely games, just once and see how by the time you can play you wont be as addicted

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I am 40 in 3 months and I have been playing video games since I was 15 starting out in arcades and moving into pc. Through my first marriage I would spend most nights from when I walked in the door on my computer playing games with mates online. I loved it but my wife at the time not so much. After about 13 years she left me taking the kids, she wasn't a gamer at all and didn't believe in it. I re married and have been with my new wife for about 7 years now we use to play wow together when we first met. I now play about 6 hours per week and I have it planned on a weekly planner. My wife doesn't play games much as she is pretty busy playing drums and singing in a band. When she gigs we rp that we haven't met and I try to pick her up works every time. She did play Dayz but she never took she played a tonne of bf3 and bad company 2, we even did some gameplays on youtube. We have 2 children together and I am an area coordinator for a disability organisation.

Its great that you have the courage to ask for advice and you seem like your switched on. I cant really offer any advice although I have given up much worse addictions than computers and its not easy. You are very very lucky to have a family that cares about you and never take that for granted.

If you are reading this now that means I have uploaded it on my phone...BAM!!

good luck

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  • MVP

As much as most people don't want to hear it, gaming (and doing stuff online) can be an addiction as much as anything else. Gaming, gambling, drugs, it's all "easy satisfaction", i.e. satisfaction that costs virtually no energy. You sit down down behind your computer, you boot it up, and there: you have fun. This makes it dangerous. Your pleasure center in your brain gets oversatisfied and you need more and more, just like with any other addiction.

I know about addiction all too well. Look at my post count. I have spent and am spending a lot of time in this community.

I've never been anti-social. Always had friends, good friends too. But I have a difficult time taking the initiative (calling someone, making new friends), because it's just so much easier for me to boot up my computer.

That's why you need to find yourself a hobby. I always make the best friends through either university or college, because you're kind of forced to go there. I don't even have to do anything about it: I make friends automatically that way. And when I'm there, and someone says "hey, let's do this and this", then I'll gladly accept the invitation instead of sitting behind my computer.

Be friends with someone long enough and you'll feel comfortable to just call and ask to "hang out" with. I had a close group of friends (4 other guys) I hung around with almost every day when I was in high school. And I'd rarely decline an invitation. In fact, I was the one to make most invitations.

Bottom line: seek a reason to get out of the house. A hobby might force you to (you might be expected to come to trainings or meetings). A hobby at home might work too (playing an instrument) but it's best to get one that involves social interaction. Then when you get some real good friends, you have lots of reasons to get out of the house.

DayZRP isn't the worst addiction you can have but it's real enough. As much as I enjoy being here and as much as I love some of you guys, any friends and connections I make here will never be as real as real-life friendships can be. Not for me at least.

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Well, you're here, and you like playing out stories within a set engine and rule set. Have you thought of taking up tabletop gaming like WH40K and the like. It's a bit of an investment, but it a) gets you out of the house, and b) forces you to interact with other people.

Gaming is awesome, but is a poor facsimile of hanging out and meeting new people

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  • Sapphire

My parents get mad at me playing 12 hours every Saturday, what you should do is do what say and slowly get in more and more often, but make sure you do more chores and you start reading a book so where they can see you

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I have the same thing basically. I play also for that amount of time and parents are telling me thats way too much. But I also have many friends, I do a lot of sports, I go out, to clubs, have fun, drive around, go to friends houses. But somehow I manage to still get it up to 6 or so hours on pc. Idk, really. I know myself its not getting me anywhere, but I cant really help about it. This is my last year in school and I should start thinking about what education Im planing to go, but meh, I just tend to say - later. I play games and it makes me feel good.

I wouldnt suggest you to go to these therapists, nothing good can come out of it. I havent been to one ever, but my friends have and they have change a lot. Dont go, friendly advice. Maybe, only if you feel that you should.

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  • Emerald

Dude, seriously i'd listen to your parents. Sounds harsh and all but they only want the best for you, and by restricting your gaming hours seems rather harsh but if you are actually addicted to the computer / gaming then it probably is the best for you. Your parents always know best, they know you the best and they will always try do the best for you. Think of it this way, When you are actually old enough to get a job you would be sat in front of the computer and say you are looking. ( It's what I did when I was in the same scenario, except my parents wasn't really strict. ) I always lied about applying for jobs etc. (This was when I was 16 ish.) I eventually got my arse into gear, I signed up for the gym, started going out more with my friends and dude it feels so much better to be doing something. I started learning programming & computer games development which is something I enjoy. I ended up going to college and got my A level's there in programming, I then moved onto university and got my Bachelors (HonS) degree. I am now a freelance programmer / developer on a half decent wage. I also keep my social life active, I pretty much go out every weekend and during the week I am working during the day and playing in the night. I also slot the gym in there every now and then. ( I am now 19 nearly 20. ).

Moral: Take your parents advice, they know what is best for you. Find another hobby / interest and focus on that. Meet new people and follow what you want to do.

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I was in the same boat, i was always on mine too. Until i descoverd that it's because im trying to escape the problems of life that im currently facing.

All i can tell you to do is to take up an instrument, i can play the cornet (shorter trumpet), guitar and keyboard. Maybe play a sport. Join a scout group (assuming your from the UK) they have tones you can do.

Don't see this as a hindrance to your life get out there and do something!

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Guest Daniel Millar

Go out and make new friends, and keep them close. You never know if or when your current best friends whether IRL or online are going to ditch you, for whatever reason.

It might be hard, you might be shy towards new people,(Like I was) but you need to flip on YOLO switch in your brain, and get out there, make yourself known, just act like you do normally, like you act on here, don't put on a fake personality, because that'll end up biting you in the ass in the future. You're going to get hate, have people who don't like you, etc, but you don't need to worry about them, because FUCK them.

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Go out and make new friends, and keep them close. You never know if or when your current best friends whether IRL or online are going to ditch you, for whatever reason.

It might be hard, you might be shy towards new people,(Like I was) but you need to flip on YOLO switch in your brain, and get out there, make yourself known, just act like you do normally, like you act on here, don't put on a fake personality, because that'll end up biting you in the ass in the future. You're going to get hate, have people who don't like you, etc, but you don't need to worry about them, because FUCK them.

I second this.

Think of all the things you can go and do now with all the time you've got on your hands! You should get out there and do something instead of twiddling your thumbs. You could even stick some of in on your CV and applications for college, university and even jobs. PM me if you want a chat mate :)

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  • Emerald

Gaming can become its own form of addiction, you can become addicted to absolutely anything, could be that? Do you have an addictive personality?

Another one, are you like quite a lot of people who just game to escape their boring or unhappy life? Strong possibility.

It is advised just to go out and apply for jobs etc, since I got my first job about 2-3 months ago now, I see my life in a completely new way. Its more of a case of you just get into a full habit of constant gaming, which you need to break. I did that, yes I still play games a hell of a lot but I also do work a hell of a lot so it doesn't bother me so much.

As stupid as it sounds...get a job.

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