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ZTC

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Is this a good story for DayZRP  

7 members have voted

  1. 1. Is this a good story for DayZRP

    • Was my story of Jesse Wilson good.
      0
    • Do i need to update Jesse's story of his life.


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ZTC    0

My character's name is Jesse Wilson and he was born on may 15 1992 and was born in Toronto Ontario Canada. When Jesse was little his father was killed over seas and left little six year old Jesse with no father and only a widow mother to take care of him. at the age of seventeen Jesse decided that he would help people for a living, and joined the international Red Cross on his nineteenth birthday. Five months after Jesse is excepted into the Red Cross he is sent over seas to Syria and was to help out with the disasters occurring in Syria. He stayed in Syria for one year and then is sent back to Canada on leave because his mother had fallen vary ill and was not expected to live much longer. Jesse's mother died one week after he got back home. six days before his birthday Jesse is sent out to our main headquarters in northern chernarus and on the way stops off in at Elektrozavodsk 9:32PM and was to have a two day R&R period until they were to get to the ural that would drive them to Stary Sobor. The first night when Jesse and his colleagues had a party on the beach outside of Elektrozavodsk at 11:45PM and partied almost all that night and Jesse stayed at the party until 3:05AM and then walked down the coast and found himself lost, drunk and feeling sick. not much after that point does Jesse remember except falling to the ground and passing out, The next morning Jesse wakes up and has little memory of what happened the night before but he does know that he is lost in a country he does not know, with nothing but the gear he had the night before and is about to find out that when he fell he suffered from a concussion and put into a coma for two weeks and woke up into a apocholypse and his main goal is to find out what happened when he was out and to get to stary sobor, to see if colleagues were still alive and help in any way possible to stop this infection.

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Guest Squidly

Looks ok,

I would...

*Try and space it out a bit more,Kinda hard on the eyes...

*Go A bit more into detail. Like "His mother died six days before his birthday...He was so Saddened he thought of...*Blah blah blah*"

*How did he get to Cherno(Eg. After the death of his mother,Jesse boarded a ship and was sent to Cherno to talk to the leader of the Red Cross.)

Other wise keep up the good work.

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GhostViking    0

Extend more story of when he was in the Red Cross. Like, One late night in the E.R a man came in with a gunshot, broken bone, ETC.

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Stagsview    625

Space out the text a little bit, do not make it look like one big block. Shows the parts that talk in different text styles. basically make it look a bit more pretty!

P.S: You are talking in 3rd person. Become the Character! Talk as if you are him!

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ZTC    0

Looks ok,

I would...

*Try and space it out a bit more,Kinda hard on the eyes...

*Go A bit more into detail. Like "His mother died six days before his birthday...He was so Saddened he thought of...*Blah blah blah*"

*How did he get to Cherno(Eg. After the death of his mother,Jesse boarded a ship and was sent to Cherno to talk to the leader of the Red Cross.)

Other wise keep up the good work.

thanks man

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Guest Squidly

No problem,the story looks great id just touch on those things,nothing bad.

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