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shadeyz

My characters Into Story, tell me what you think.

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shadeyz    0

Heavy breathing, branches whipping by, is that dogs barking?, The deafening chop of roters overhead.. Everything is a blur, am i dreaming? Why am i running... All of these thoughts are flying through my head at light speed, i cant make sense of anything right now, all i know is that i have to run..

I cant breathe anymore, i have to stop, i need to rest, its getting dark, i have to find shelter, i have to hide..

(The previous day)

"Hey, im David, but you can call me Dave", this scripted line flies out of my mouth as i shake hands with the intimidating figure in front of me, i feel a chill run up my spine as his dark eyes scan my body, making me feel so weak in front of the behemoth of a man. "Антон (anton) is waiting outback with the cash, but i need to search you first and make sure you brought all the... 'Dog Food'" The hulking figure infront of me slams the briefcase on the table, opening it up for me to see, i dont even bother weighing it, thats not what im here for, you see, this is a drugs bust, i am part of a British Drug Squad that was transfered over to russia to help out with the drug raids, and i am currently in a sting operation where my chances of survival are plummeting faster by the second.

"Ok, it all looks good, hes waiting back there for you" I gesture over my shoulder with a thumb, toward a dank cabin filled to breaking point (pun not intended) with russian spetznaz. I let out a sigh of relief as the man shrugs past me and waltz towards the cabin, a grin spreads across my face as i wait for the horrified shrieks that are yet to come, the grin quickly melts into confusion when i have not heard anything, not even a struggle, that is until i feel the cold press of a gun against the back of my head, "Move, and you die" these hard words are whispered cruelly behind me as i am kicked in the back of the knees, falling over, i glimpse the russian drug squad with their guns raised, but they are raised at 'Anton' as he writhes around on the floor with a gushing wound on his forehead... *CRUNCH* Darkness, an infinite night shrouds over me as i am ripped from consciousness and into a world of muffled sound and throbbing pain.

I come to consciousness tied to the wheel of an off-road, i see a camp fire crackling in the middle of a group of hunched soldiers, i see Anton slumped against the tree opposite me, we make eye contact, in that moment i know exactly what needs to be done.. *CRACK* I struggle to contain a cry of pain as i wrench my wrist out of its socket, i slip my hand out of the bindings and untie my feet, i cant risk pushing my wrist back into place as i might cry out, instead i pull my Swiss knife out of my pocket and crawl to 'Anton' "What the fuck happened?!" I hiss under my breath, "Hush, friend, cut my rope and let us leave, now." I unbind my Russian friend and sneak over to the offroad, hoping my luck was with me i peered through the window "YES, the keys are there!" i almost shout in hushed tones, i open the door and we both crawl in, this was it, it HAD to start in one try, otherwise we would be found out... i slowly turn the key, nothing... *GRIND* I ear scrapping grating sound is blasted through the camp as i try to start the old car, shouts are heard, shots are fired.

Im running, i look back, 'Anton' is hobbling behind me with a bullet lodged into his leg, i grasp his shoulder and take some of his weight, another shot, his eyes are wide as he hits the ground, his other leg is bleeding red.. I run, leaving him behind to his almost certain death, running still, i hear no more gunshots and hope for the best.

Heavy breathing, branches whipping by, is that dogs barking?, The deafening chop of roters overhead.. Everything is a blur, am i dreaming? Why am i running... All of these thoughts are flying through my head at light speed, i cant make sense of anything right now, all i know is that i have to run..

[3 Years Later]

I dont know what happened, maybe i went insane... All i know is that for the past 2 years i have been living in the woods of chernarous, Kamenka, i finally decide that its time to emerge from the woods, tell my story to the first police station i come across, if they will believe me that is.. So thats how i ended up here, talking to you guys, i saw them shambling in the distance and decided to get closer and discover what the f*ck they were, until you pulled me aside and asked me for my story.. so, is there anything else you want to know..?

Well, thats just the start of my story, i plan on finding 'Anton' somehow, if he is still alive...

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Johnny1    0

I like the concept but in my personal opinion I found like you have been forcing the descriptions to far, don't get me wrong it's just my opinion.

Over all it looks great. You might want to fix some grammar issues but over all 7/10

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shadeyz    0

Yeah, but thats just my kind of writing style, i cant stand any of the script or 3rd person kinda stories ^-^

Thanks for your feedback!

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