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Nicolai

Meet Nicolai, The new Player. Story Feedback/Help

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Nicolai    0

Well hello there, My name is Nicolai and I'm pretty new to the DayzRP,Oh well, Since the RP in DayZ mostly involve your voice that means since my accent is Danish (since I'm from Denmark) I will have to put that in my RP story.

But what I'm trying to say here is that I would love to get some feedback, Or maybe a little help, I have some thoughts about my story and just, Feel free to correct my English or correct my "noobish" failures,

The story I thought about:

I'm a Danish kid around the 18-20 years old, I was abit of a trouble maker at school so i didn't really have any sort of real profession other than maybe be working at a supermarket of some kind.

I played Hardball/Air-Soft guns in my spare time, So I know what a weapon is, And I've been at a shooting range before maybe trying a pistol or two.

The reason I came to Russia was a big Hardball/Air-Soft tournament coming up for me and my team, But Since the bus broke down mid-way towards Russia at the very top of Sweden, we were not able to get to contact with anyone since it was a small village with no TV or internet or even cellphone connection, We then waited around a week for the mechanic to come and fix the bus, which was an old man who never heard anything about a zombie break out.

When the bus was fixed we then drove on and got to Russia and started noticing these weird people (Zombies) and the bus stopped right before Elektro, so we could check if they were okay and alot of my teamates got eaten right before my eyes my and another teammate ran with the bus driver, but he was too slow and got eaten aswell, now it's just ,e and my mate surviving in Russia.

I hope it's alright, I would love some feedback, Negative and positive, Anything is cool, (: Peace

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Guest Joggemanden   
Guest Joggemanden

Hello Nicolai! The name is Joakim, and I am new to DayzRP aswell. It would be good for us to stay together, as we are both danishmen and we pretty much know eachother in real life already. The story for my character is pretty much under progress, but I can assure you that it will be coming up sooner or later.

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Cyber    6

Interesting story could use a bit more detail but a really good base :)

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I really like your story! Maybe try to get a bit more in-depth with some details and make it a bit longer than it is now. Its looking good so far :)

(Btw its good to see some fellow danish people here) ;)

*EDIT* Also work with your grammar :)

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Nicolai    0

I really like your story! Maybe try to get a bit more in-depth with some details and make it a bit longer than it is now. Its looking good so far :)

(Btw its good to see some fellow danish people here) ;)

*EDIT* Also work with your grammar :)

Oh yeah ofcourse, I'm not really done with it, This is more like the "Behind the scenes" Type of thing, And yeah the grammar xD

Thanks for the feedback :D

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