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Guest Qvoid

My application story

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Guest Qvoid   
Guest Qvoid

Hey guys, some of you may be confused on who i am. Currently I'm not on the DayZRP servers and fairly new to the forums. I decided i should ask the community feed back on my application befor i donate and send it off!

Character brief: He is a 24 year old British steel maker called Nathan Inwood who currently has no family apart from his brother.

Story: Around ten years ago Nathan had a job opportunity in great Russia. Once at the factory Nathan was greeted by a military guard escorting him into the factory. Once inside the factory he could see only military equipment along with armed guards, but the man escorting him just rushed him threw into a small questioning room where he was sat down. They was asking who he worked for and what did he know. At this point Nathan was in a state of confusion until a man ran in and shouted в хаве (move it) and all the guards sudden jumped up and ran out dragging Nathan with them. Once outside he's thrown into a car and driven away, after about 40 minuets he hears screeching and screams from outside before he can look the car crashes tripping in to one side. Nathan manages to push open the door and is faced by the walking dead, after relishing what going on Nathan runs for the woods to escape the chaos while running he sees a sign that says Stary Sobor 8000 m and suddenly remembers his brother was working out there maybe he's still there? Maybe still alive?

That's it please give me any feedback if your already in DayZRP tell me how yours was and thanks for reading :)

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CannedPakes    0

Maybe you should give more personal information about your character. Ya know, like his family background or where exactly in Britain he was born.

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I can barely understand the meaning of this, you put next to no effort into the pre-outbreak story, and why is your character a British steel maker in Russia? Stary Sobor is in Chernarus, not Russia. You tried too hard to make this all action-filled, instead of working on the details. What was his family like? Why was he a British steel maker in Russia? Magically going from Russia to Chernarus, South of Russia (one of the biggest countries on earth, which would take a much longer time than you think to drive there.) Why was he interviewed by a military guard for no reason? That is not very correct in most places. Why was he unfazed by the walking dead? Why has it been 10 years? According to DayZRP's lore, the outbreak started a little more than a year ago. How does he automatically realize that his brother works in a small town in a small country unknown to most of the world? How does he just get out of a car after being locked in a trunk, and then survive a crash unscathed? Why was a man speaking Russian around English-speaking people? Whats the reason behind him being a steel maker? Is "steel maker" even a job? That is factory work, not human work. That's all I have to say, But please revise this and come up with a different backstory.

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Guest Qvoid   
Guest Qvoid

Thanks for all the feedback and I know its sort and bad but this is just to see how I can do better.

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Guest AceAviators   
Guest AceAviators

Space it out like Dredd's. Write more about before the outbreak, what your character is like, family, etc..

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