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Guest Daniel Millar

Opinions on a Story? (Sci-Fi)

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Guest Daniel Millar   
Guest Daniel Millar

Hey guys, I just finished writing this piece after spending a few days on it, should I enter it in a writing competition? Detail the story a bit more? etc, open to any opinions and all criticism, Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Fall of the Lurian Fleet

The cold, musty air that filled the ships hull smelt of frigid, icy tears. The tan walls of the bridge reflected the dim light that shone from several lights on the ceiling and floors. Kardana nervously tapped one of the the solid arm of his captains chair, his mind racing with grim thoughts of his homeworld, how many were dead, how many were still resisting, how many were still struggling to survive the invasion. Keplar, Kardana’s home world was attacked by the blood thirsty, flesh eating, foul stenching Reavers. He vividly remembered the large, black ships descending upon his homeworld, the screams of the civilians, the shouts from the soldiers, every last terrible detail. The military was quickly overtaken by Reaver forces, resulting in world wide orders to evacuate the doomed planet. Kardana boarded his ship, along with the rest of his crew and some injured soldiers, and joined the fleet that fought its way through the reaver forces. The remaining ships consisted of 500 or so civilian ships, modified with light cannons for defense, and 800 warships, armed with Ship to Ship missiles, heavy hull breaching cannons, and a mining laser to rip the opposing ship to bits.

There was only one Admiral who got off of Keplar alive, Admiral Rork of the 2nd fleet division. In hopes of refuge for the civilians and reinforcements, Rork had told all ships to set course for the blue planet, Earth, perhaps the humans could help them. They'd been sailing the stars for hours now, and were approaching the Alpha Centauri system, it was only a matter of time before they approached the outskirts of the Solar System. A sudden loud, and urgent sounding alarm echoed around the bridge, Kardana looked to his helmsmen.

"Helmsman, what do you see?" The helmsman turned around and looked at Kardana, a look of fear on his face. "Uh, scans are showing hundreds of unidentified ships in from all directions, orders commander?"

Kardana paused, then spoke.

"Open up a hailing frequency with Admiral Rork"

The helmsman nodded and tapped a beige button on the control panel in front of him. The viewing screen in front of Kardana flickered to life, revealing Admiral Rork, sitting in his padded chair, one hand resting on his lower cheek.

"What is it commander?" He said tiredly.

Kardana straightened up in his seat and spoke;

"Scans show hundreds of identified ship signatures closing in fast, what are your orders sir?"

A slight look of fear streaked across the Admiral's face and he tapped a button on the arm of his chair, ending the frequency. Seconds later, a fleet wide order boomed throughout the bridge.

"Reaver signatures detected in the area, all ships, prepare for a possible firefight."

Kardana immediately barked orders to his crew;

"Raise shields, and arm the weapon systems!" The crew immediately burst into action, tapping away at their consoles nervously.

"Weapon status?" Kardana said.

A crewman who stood behind Kardana turned away from his console and spoke.

"Shields are up, Cannons primed, missiles are primed, mining laser is primed, ready to engage commander."

Kardana sighed, "Good, we'd best be...".

After Kardana finished his sentence, hundreds of sudden sparks of light cascaded across the black sky, followed by long, black ships with red markings on their hulls, Reavers. The battle was on, flak fire and missiles darted across space from all directions, another fleet wide message was heard.

"All civilian ships retreat back behind the warships, don't let up the fire"

The smaller civilian ships began to turn around and retreat. There were at least 1000 Reaver ships, although the Lurians outnumbered them by the hundreds, The Reaver ships were larger, carrying larger weapons, and stronger shields.

“Reaver ship is locking onto our ship commander, its firing, launching countermeasures.”

Several large, red hot orbs fired from the front of Kardana’s ship, speeding towards the oncoming missiles, the countermeasures intercepted the missiles successfully, and they exploded safely out of range. Kardana smirked

“Now its our turn, take out their shields with the cannons gunman”.

“Aye Commander.”

The long cannons at the front of the ship turned towards the Reaver ship, and fired. The rounds raced towards the opposing ship, and exploded on the outer shell, the shield flickered, then went down.

“Shields are down commander.” the gunman said, with confidence in his voice.

“Fire missiles, blow them apart”

“Yes Commander, missiles away”

4 missiles launched from the front of the ship and zoomed towards the Reaver ship, all four warheads exploded on impact, parts of the hull exploded into space and the ship went out in a massive fireball, the lights covering the ship went out, and the hull split in two.

“Haa!”

Kardana jumped off his seat, a smirk on his face and his fist clenched. Admiral Rork’s voice spoke over the intercom again;

“Reaver defense line is breaking, keep pushing!”

The Reaver ships slowly began to back off, several of them intercepting flak fire, exploding. Suddenly, the same urgent beeping as before resonated throughout the hull.

"Commander," the helmsman said. "I'm reading several hundred smaller ships approaching from behind Reaver lines"

Seconds after, the sky sparked up once again, hundreds more of Reaver ships entered the firefight. They quickly positioned themselves in front of the larger ships, and opened fire. The smaller ships, although with less firepower, were faster, quickly, and more easily maneuvered then the reaver Dreadnoughts.

“Ignore the small ones, target the Dreadnoughts, end this game!.” Kardana barked to his gunman.

“Yes sir, cannons, firing.”

The large cannon barrels light up once more, sending shots toward another Reaver dreadnought. To the gunman’s dismay, the shots never hit their target, the smaller ships willingly intercepted the rounds, exploding on impact, only a few cannon rounds made it past the scouts, hitting their mark.

“Gunman, damage report!”

The Gunman gulped and turned to face Kardana.

“They’re...Reaver fighters are intercepting fire, negligible damage.”

Just then, a round hit the front of Kardana’s ship, throwing the helmsman from his seat into a wall, knocking him unconscious. The Gunman turned back to his console and frantically tapped away.

“Shields are down commander, I’m sending a repair team to fix the generator...”

Another round slammed into the back of the ship, throwing Kardana off his seat, and onto the floor. Sparks flew from the consoles that scattered the bridge, and small fires began to ignite in the corners of the ship. Kardana pushed himself up and regained his balance, he hobbled over to the Helmsman’s now empty seat, and pressed a large tan button, Admiral Rork’s voice was heard, yelling orders to his men. Kardana bent over and yelled into the communicator.

“Admiral!, Admiral Rork!”

A clamour was heard and Rork spoke;

“What is it Kardana...?”

“The fleet is getting blown apart, we need to get out of here!, permission to order retreat?”

Rork grunted. “Denied,”

Rork switched to fleet wide communications.

“All ships, full barrage.”

Rork ended the intercom, and looked back up towards his ship’s viewing screen, only to be greeted by a massive Reaver missile warhead, the only thing he had time to do before his ship was blown to bits was to squeeze his eyes shut. The missile made a direct hit on the bridge, exploding in a fireball, the rest of the ship was blown apart in a chain of explosions, all of the crew was wiped out. Kardana brought his fist down on the console;

“Damn it!”

Kardana buried his face into his palms. He looked up, an idea popped into his mindset, he activated the ships SOS transmitter, in hopes of the signal reaching any other fleet or station in the sector. He leaned down and spoke.

“This is Commander Kardana of the United Lurian Space force, Lurian refugee fleet has come under heavy Reaver assault, we have multiple hull breaches,”

A loud explosion echoed from the bowels of the ship.

“Any fleets in range, Please assist, Please assist!’

A Reaver missile hit the side of the ship, knocking out kinetics and sending the ship on a collision course with another Lurian ship. Kardana grimaced and returned to the microphone.

"Kinetics are down, all hands brace for impact!"

Kardana's ship slammed into the other Lurian ship, both ships were engulfed by a fiery inferno of fuel and energy.

The rest of fleet slowly began to dissipate, explosions riddled the sky, Lurian ship fragments drifted across the black, unremarkable void. The Reavers fleet regained their tactical firing formation, several Lurian ships disobeyed orders, activating their Faster-Than-Light drives and warping away, leaving their struggling brethren behind. Only a few successfully warped out, The rest stayed and fought. Civilian ships were easily picked off, exploding like fireworks in the clear night sky. The Refugees from Kepler scurried into escape pods, in hopes of salvation, only to have their hopes crushed with ease, shot after shot.

Soon, the Lurian force was incapable of obtaining victory, outmatched, outnumbered, outgunned, their only hope was escape, the remaining ships with functioning engines activated their FTL drives, zooming towards the nearest Human space-post, some ships broke apart mid-warp, due to cracked hulls.

The unfortunate ships that lingered on the battlefield were crippled, allowing Reaver boarding shuttles to easily tear into the broken hulls of the Lurian ships. Security personal fought until their dying breath, attempting to save the helpless civilians, it was a fruitless attempt, the security teams were quickly overrun by the opposing Reaver force, Civilians were cornered, and the Reavers began to feast upon the poor souls. Some were taken alive, to be used as slaves, and labourers.

The fews the ships that made it to a human outpost were boarded by human rescue teams, assisting injured crewmen and women off the torn ships. Of the thousands of refugees fleeing from Keplar, only a couple hundred made it out alive.

Though somewhere, in the wreckage and debris of the battlefield, a Lurian warship, seemingly lifeless, floated amongst the debris. The interior was lighted only by fires and several dim emergency lights. It was completely silent, the only other noise was the faint crackling of fires. The silence was broken by a cold, robotic, female voice;

“Faster than light drive is operational, Engines are online, Emergency auto-pilot is inoperational, manual authorization for FTL jump is required”

A body, sprawled on the floor in front of the captain’s chair, twitched, and rolled over onto its back. The body suddenly jerked upwards, gasping for breath, as its eyes opened.

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TheZallow    0

Wow! ..... Any more of the story to come ?

The best stories are the ones that get you hooked, then leave you hanging....... and in the tradition of Shakespearian times "AUTHOR AUTHOR, ENCORE AUTHOR!"

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Guest Daniel Millar   
Guest Daniel Millar

Wow! ..... Any more of the story to come ?

The best stories are the ones that get you hooked, then leave you hanging....... and in the tradition of Shakespearian times "AUTHOR AUTHOR, ENCORE AUTHOR!"

I'll probably write another part in the near future, as of now I'm working on some more pieces, which I will most likely post on here later. Thanks for the love!

You too Glitchy!

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Guest Daniel Millar   
Guest Daniel Millar

*Cough Cough, cuz they totally weren't ripping off the reapers from Mass Effect. *cough cough*

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