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Fredrick Honstly's Journal

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Well[, I suppose I should start keeping track of the stuff I do on a daily basis, yeah? 

How does this work? chapter one? dear freaking journal? no clue.. anyways. 

 Lets start with the drama, yeah? The girl I've been seeing is pregnant. the problem with this, is I'm not the father. She's told me that its a 50/50 kind of thing. maybe I am, maybe I'm not. but let me be honest with myself even if the kid is mine, I wont be its father... sounds kind of bad now that its written out but before I joined this group, I hardly got shot at.. it was simple, hands up, let them fight and just keep drinking... and now, I've been shot three times, in a firefight, almost in another, I've been hunted because of the reputation of the group and oh.. Captured, told I was going to be burned alive or hung, and other stuff. so.. I really don't see myself being the father to any kid in nine months, rather I see myself in a shallow grave... forgotten about.. left for the worms.  I guess the upside of this is.. i get to lay in the same bed as a woman that I love. but.. if I'm being honest with myself.. again.. I don't want to die.. I mean.. who does right? 


Today was a bit of a eye opener though, the girl I'm seeing got taken.. taken by her Ex lover man. to put the story short as I doubt I'll be forgetting this anytime soon, we got her back.. and left that guy to bleed out in the woods.. magical freaking sight. 


only reason I'm doing any of this.. is so that when I catch the bullet with my name on it, people know the stuff I've done. Like kiling that young girl the other day, she couldn't have been that old.. sounded like a kid.. killed her and walked away from it.. apparently she tortured people.. so.. I guess she got what she deserved.. what's sticking with me though, is how she pleaded for her life.. told me she didn't want to die.. I told her.. told her multiple times that all I needed was one good reason to let her live.. but she had none.. just one reason could have saved her life... when she didn't say anything.. I just pulled the trigger.. as soon as I did.. I felt a piece of me break.. I never thought I'd kill a person so helpless as that.. A small Portion Of Page Is Stained With Tears   I Pray that I never have to do something like that again.. at least not like that.. at least not to someone that sounded so innocent.. to someone that pleads for their life... I'm done with this for now.. Lets see what events happen tomorrow., hopefully none.


oh.. and i shot a bear with a RPG... that was amazing

Edited by Fallen_666s
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Today was short. couple bandits and stuff, camp was filled with allies and one of our guys got drunk, drove the UAZ around and went to cherno.. we went fishing, Hunting, had a nice little talk with Williams today as well.  my group is apparently going to try to negotiate with the group that shot one of our own people. negotiations... I don't think these people understand what negotiating is anymore. it isn't a sit-down and talk it out practice.. negotiations with that group will end in one way, Blood and lots of it. honestly though, Andrew may have been right.. maybe running is a better option, or doin what they say.. but i mean...…. where is the fun in that? Running? And not shooting back? Sounds pretty boring to me. might as well make a stand, even if its the last... and the first? Ah, FIRST AND LAST STAND.... YES! Seriously though.. this is messed up. I guess i have earned the rep as the one that's always ready for a fight, ready to go anywhere, anytime, no matter what


Kill anyone for the family, anyone that threatens it

Protect the family...  the amount of times that I've seen one of them pick up a gun, or prepare to kill someone is astounding. The group started out helping everyone.. and now we help very few.. friends. I have faced the fact that my own life is worth almost nothing compared to others within the group, doctors will eventually become a rare breed but gunman? that's the one thing that will stick around for a long while.. least till the ammunition dries up. but with what I have previously said, I actually hate what I'm doing. Secret executions, firefights and all of that, where the hell is the humanity of some of the group leaders? not the hospital.. others. people that go so far as to execute others just to get their point across, people willing to kill someone for food.. cannibals and all that? what's the world come to? its been what? seven months now? Jesus.


  did do something nice today though, before some bandit guy popped in, good while before that actually, we... went.....fishing.... fishing.. I haven't gone fishing in almost two years and now I'm fishing for carp? before all this i just didn't have time.. work and all of that.. but now i find myself hunting and fishing.. not driving though.. I'm not trying to die by a car crash. 


anyways,  world seems to be filled with both good and bad at the moment.. don't know where exactly I stand though.. but I mean, who the hell cares? as long as I follow orders and shoot who I'm told to shoot, who really cares if I'm good or bad.. as long as the group is doing what they do and they're all alive... I could care less how people view me.


Also.. i need some more 5.56  


- Find or buy 5.56

- find a new RPG

-Blow things up?

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two days, two raids. one we fought and fought damn hard. two days and shit has hit the fucking fan. I think tomorrow i'll ask her probably the one question i never thought i'd ask her. even though i have more explosives and ammunition to fight a army i still feel like this whole damned war is going to be the death of me. 

Asking people to fight, looking at wounded men asking me for guns to fight the enemy, why? so they can pick up a rifle and die? so many ready to " fight " for their " home " we have been here what? a week? in this town for a week and its home? now i'm like the next guy with a gun, i'll gladly fight but i'm also not a doctor or a person that hardly knows how to hold a rifle. so eager to fight, eager to take lives. 

The family will always have my gun, and my life, but i don't understand why they are so eager to fight when they don't know what it feels like to kill others, shoot fellow man. one person stood away from the ones ready to fight, one   person. i knew that she would given her current condition, and i think she may be he only sane one out of the rest. myself, Christian and the other ones in the militia know the sting of battle, at least i think they do, so i know what they are fighting for, but if everyone is fighting to protect their family... who are they truly protecting if they are all fighting? the one to your left or right? and what if you all die? who exactly did you protect? pointless. 

but it is what it is, let them die for their own beliefs, i wont stand in their way until they threaten the one i live with. 


-new PKP mag

-blow more shit up

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Apparently someone has been saying shit about candy. Tate hasn't said shit apparently, neither had tex. Pretty shit situation but each of them talked about killing the girl. Don't know how anybody found that shit out but now people know. I could care less though. 


From that to mary giving me a page from her own journal. I read it when I wasn't supposed to.. it's nice to know that she actually cares rather than hoping she does. But with that being said, she got do help someone medically, not someone I should have helped her treat to be honest. It was a.. awkward situation. 

Myself and Igor stood outside with our guns out.. ready to kill one another of shit went south. A shame to be honest. Igor is a nice guy, the only problem is the man is a friend of Mr. U.N.  That moment pissed me off though. Hearing all those bullshit questions. He was there for medical work not anything else. Asking irrelevant questions to the situation at hand. Me and Igor ready to kill one another and they're in there asking each other stupid shit. ' where'd you get that scarf?' seriously?  Just get your bullshit done and get out. If anyone else from the group was there, anyone. They'd have shot him in the other eye. 

What a stupid situation. Absolutely fucking stupid. 


But, I did take mary out to see two castles today, I've never seen anyone so excited over chiseled stone. It was nice though. Seeing how excited she got over actually surprised me. 


OH. Played fucking hide and seek with igor right before we started getting ready to shoot each other. Fun times. 

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