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AndreyQ

THE ISLAND OF BERNARUS

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*IVAN BERNARUS picks up the radio from his huge vest and presses the PTT button almost breaking the radio*

Privyet people! It is me, IVAN BERNARUS, extrovert man, bodyguard of infamous Vlad Visus and crusher of heads. After going to big island with castle, I decided it is time I get one of my own. I like island. It has land, water and trees, very good nature.

So from now on the small island next to the Cap of Krutoy will now be known as BERNARUS island. Only people with the BERNARUS pass can come to the BERNARUS island. If you want to get the BERNARUS pass you need to be friend of me. It will have nice fire, nice vodka and nice women.

Slava Bernarus.

*radio goes silent*

 

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*Thrynn presses the PTT* "If you mean the Island with the Castle and buildings, I have to dissapoint you, it's already taken." 

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*Vaclav would over hear the mans claim*

 

"I wish you luck in removing the filthy squatters and taking the land that is rightfully yours."

 

*He'd release the PTT*

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*Nikolai presses the PTT*

Hello Ivan. I... I am very sorry for what happened last time in Green Mountain.

We had some misunderstandings... I would be happy to make up for my previous mistakes, and I will try to find you some vodka.

*he releases the PTT*

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*presses the ptt*

"Ayeee yo you need a bank and a law firm on that island my man? Im down. 

Slava bernarus"

*releases the ptt*

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Father david hears the european voice on the radio and PPT

"hello Mr Ivan, You sound like you come from around these parts so i respect your claim on the island... i know not to trespass.

Pass my regards to My Vlad, i never did get to marry him to his girlfriend Katie"

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The radio comes to life as a southern man begins to talk

"Well Holy shit! It's a true a Ruski! Well Howdy there amigo! I'll come be your friend. I'd love to learn of your culture and customs. Never met a Russian here before. Which is odd considering this country is next to the Motherland! I look forward to saying howdy to ya in person! Take care and be safe out there amigo! I heard there is a serial killer on the loose!" 

The radio falls silent

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*Rolling his eyes Radek picks up the radio, his heavy Chernarussian accent breaking through*

"I regret to inform you that the small island you speak of is already occupied. Pick another."

*He sets his radio back down as he awaits a response*

 

 

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*dommy guts a wood*
*dommy rolls a fattie*
*dommy would put on a terrible russian accent*

 

briviet comrade ivon

i stand with bernarus

 

*dommy drops the accent and speaks like a true chav*
purchase your finest cannabis from dommy king kingly cannabis

 

*dommy smokes his fattie*

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*Vlad laughs and holds down his PTT*

"Blyat, Ivan remember the last time you tried to claim a peninsula? Crimea? That worked out well for us didn't it!

Anyway, I support you comrade and it seems some people in here don't. So I guess we do what we did last time and slaughter the people of these islands until they understand their property is now yours. 

Slava Bernarus baby!"

*The radio goes silent*

Edited by Kordruga

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