I was born in Chernarus in Elektro, my mum died at my birth and my dad couldn't face to raise me on his own, so I was send to grow up at my rich grandparents in Europe. My dad didn't visit often until I was 5. Then I was suddenly send to spend a few month with him in Chernarus. They said they didn't want me to fully forget my roots. My dad still had trouble looking at me since I reminded him so much of mum. I always felt like I was unwanted, not home anywhere. My grandparents were good parents but I couldn't help but feel like I did something really wrong towards them, something I should apologize for, they gave up a lot to raise me for a long time. At first one of them would travel with me back and forth, but after I turned 8 they send me to travel alone. It was easy for me since I had done the trip back and forth between the countries so many times. When things hit I got stuck midway. Not knowing where I should head to I stayed and waited for news. When I heard none I first went to find my grandparents. By the time I found them they were sick and died shortly after, I promised to take their ashes back home. I am not a child anymore at 13 I am on my own. I finally made my way back to Chernarus with their ashes and spread them as they wished me to do. I heard my dad was gone, I believe he is dead.
On her own in Chernarus after the outbreak:
I found a group of people, I was allowed to stay with for a while, feeling happier and being cared for better, I gained 1 kg making me now weigh 39kg. After sometime some split of and others left or died, I got the chicken pox and while recovering from being sick, I lost the weight I gained before. A strange family, a mix of broken people. What makes us family? How can you feel close, when you can't even watch thru a window, as your family bakes Christmas cookies? Why am I not invited for the experience? They tell me about it, but I wasn't there, I was sick. Not their fail but mine. I have to find a way to make my own.
I turned 14. I found some ingredients. The cookies aren't fully what I thought they would be. Maybe I just need some practice. I remember when I was 5, things were better then, easier. I sometimes wish time could just turn back. I have my moments I feel I am back there. But they are slipping away, its getting harder and harder to remember.
It started with brother. He just started to drink and stay in his own misery at the pub, sulking about dead friends loosing track of who he still had, we can't help him, hopefully one day he will find his way back to us.
My mind, I lost it. I think. Maybe its time to go. I need to find my way again. Seeing what is happening all around me, I don't know if i agree. Its ok I think i found a replacement. I won't be missed while i am gone and yet still be here. After today,... I guess I can't leave mom, she still sees me, the other can't take over that part for me. I talked to the other, I don't know if its coincidence or I wasted my time talking to her in the first place, considering she is now nowhere to be seen. I never told her to stay away, guess its her choice after all. Alice is just like the mother i never had but always wanted, I hope her and sis are happy forever. Sis? Hmmm we used to feel so close, I still love her as my sis. I know it. Just we are slowly becoming strangers, as she gets closer with others and spends more time with them. I am not looking for blame, there is none to give. I was busy too. I hope we can catch up again, I miss Khandra.
Are we going to be ok?
Khandra found her purpose, she seems happier and grew on the people that gave it to her, The horsemen of the Apocalypse. Curious they made me. Funny they are. I fear with Death around my sisters life might turn shorter, but in trade happier, which seems worth the trouble, since it seems to be what she wants. He seems to have no interest in me, since War says he has found a project in Khandra, she is in danger. Therefore I conclude I am safe. Doesn't seem he is trying to manipulate me, I am just curious about the things he shows my sister, the experiences they share together without me, makes me wonder, I fear unless I catch up on some, I will be more distant to her soon. Any new experience is good, even if it hurts sometimes. The Horsemen are surprisingly different. I am curious to get to know each of them better individually. I am starting to really grow on them and would miss each one if they were gone.
We are not ok, Elly slowly left with them, instead more of Penny shows now:
They are gone. Each one, we woke up and they were out, probably on a mission. I think the Horsemen took some of me with them, when they went. Edward became part of our lives instead. How else could I be but more me. A last remainder of Elly shines through here and there, more habit then truth. As I ran in the Old man, he helped to keep her a bit longer. Filling the void of absence. The Dead Batteries a group of people that sells my most common mindset in a small pill came across us.
Fascinating in some way, even they wished to protect me from it, at the same time calling my sister a customer, what she buys I want to know. Not all of them, wished to protect me. Curiosity grabbed a hold of me for a while, wondering if silence of the mind added with more silence causes screaming? Or removing some of the silence would create noise? Noise I have no ability to block out, just like sis I wonder? While still overwhelmed with curiosity on a single mindset, I held on to the 5 I was given. Sebastian told me to get rid of it. Buzzo to pass it to my sis and intending for me to try one or so if i wished to (since I clearly expressed my interest). Seemed like an experiment to him, leave the child with the new toy and watch what happens. One could nearly be sure right? The first 3 I gave to my sis. Two I kept to think. Then Sebastian came in with the annoying after care, mentioning to my sis (before I had time to really think about it) that there would be two more in my possession. I got rid of another by giving it to a doctor to analyze, to help my sister off of it. She is changing so quickly. Turning into someone I don't recognize anymore. The last one I saved in two halves for the need, the unprepared. I met Felix and I have to say, he opened my mind to a new world. Maybe not in the way he might have thought. He tried to show me the down, the negative to I suppose scare me? But that just drove my curiosity to try it out more, which I was fighting knowing the experience might come at a high prize. However I was willing to pay. Then Felix reminded me (for a lack of a better term) I am a 'people pleaser'. At least of those who are important to my life and survival. One of my highest values to not break, I set for myself and probably the only thing that would counter what I wish for otherwise. The last thing I hold on to 'Elly'. I am not ready to loose that yet.
Troubles in comfortable places:
Edwards presence was dangerous for my mind, at the same time he was helping in a much needed way. I needed his help and so does Khandra. She returned to them (The Dead Batteries) on a near regular to get her fix. When she got cut off once, I was met with not much choice but not let her suffer and hand her one half of the two I had left. Edward eventually couldn't watch it anymore, her using drives us away from her one by one, bit by bit. We don't feel like sisters most of the time now. She goes to places I can't follow, not just in body but in mind too. The last half pill I returned to Sebastian, taking it alone would not be safe. Taking it in company would be revealing, the down would probably show my true self and I rather not show that. Best to keep them guessing.
Mistakes were made:
The Old man (Grandpa) was brutally beaten up and then in the middle of surgery murdered by intruders. I saw his body without a head in the Berezino hospital. I went back to where I met Grandpa and we went on a trip together. All the things I could not talk to him about and show him yet. I wish he could have told me about those things in his life, would be a lot to learn. I showed him around, we went on a long adventure and the end was Altar radio station, where I lived before I met the 'Here People'. Walking up there were people on the roof. They seemed casual and I thought they must have seen me coming and reacted no worse for it. I approached and realized they had not noticed me and were talking about secrets, things I probably shouldn't hear about. There was no way I would be able to leave without them hearing me. Yeah can't get lucky twice. I was asked questions and got shot for not answering one truthfully, the name of a doctor. In trade for not being hurt further I had to make up for me (accidentally listening in on them) by finding them a new 'client'. Of course it was the Dead Batteries, someone that would take what they offer.
Holiday on magical Island:
I had two days to find someone. On my last day I ran into a young woman 'Emma', I asked her for help explaining my situation. She kept it secret as promised but could not help herself. We traveled together after she let me pat her pet bunny 'Chaos' she called it. Dylan a friend of hers offered to take the drug 'comfort', I would go visit their Island where we could play games and he would help me out. Seemed like a perfect deal. We met up with my Sister and made our way down to the Island, on the way we were joined by Stefan and Ryan. It was interesting to try and figure out which was real and which was game or was all a game? The different display of who is the leader if there is one? Hide and seek in the Prison, till we spotted people outside on the mainland looking over.
Lets all be chill and relaxed:
After the island sis and I were separated again. I found her once more in the company of the dead batteries probably getting another fix. She even said to Dr. Shock, that he can't possibly understand her if he is not on the drug himself and addicted. Maybe there is just one way to go to really understand, what sis is going through and in turn be able to come out with her. Who doesn't want to relax? ...