"After How Far I've Gone.... Can I ever get home?"
Purpose…..what is my purpose, why am I here, What am I doing? These are all questions I ask myself every waking and sleeping moment of my life. I was still pondering these questions as infinite as the galaxy itself as I was aroused from my daze by the crack of gunfire and the sting of a flash of light piercing through the night sky. “Enemy fire incoming!” screamed my good friend Samuel as he flipped a table in a puny attempt to create cover. I dived to the floor as a rain of gunfire rained through our hiding place cutting the shelter almost in half. “Run or fight” I screamed to Viktor. “If we run we die, and if we fight we die for the cause”. “The cause” I chuckled to myself “what is that anymore?” I sighed and shouldered my AA-12 aiming it at the general direction of the gunfire waiting for the darkness of oblivion to take me, and quickly it did.
Death has a funny way of putting things into perspective, the void of oblivion also gives a man time to think of his life. My father was a businessman and I wanted to follow in his footsteps. Sadly fate it seems would not allow it. After studying abroad in America on economic theory and business. I came home to an unstable country at the verge of tearing itself apart The CDF forces on one side and the Cheidaki opposing them. My dreams of being a man of business was shattered as the country quickly descended into civil war. I personally was not interested in dying for either cause but I was dragged into it by my childhood friend Samuel. I was plopped in the hellhole that is the 85th Platoon. I learned quickly how my life was now brutal training from day to day, the bodies of my comrades falling from exhaustion then getting shot by the commanding officers, I was in Hell.
Years later into the war I was still at the side of my friend we had both done miraculously well, but I was a man without a passion for the cause I fought for. In my years of being a Student I learned of many things one was the American civil war “brother against brother” It seemed to proudly state. The truth is I could not fight my brother, Samuel was my reason for fighting not the horrendous system that is communism. As a young entrepreneur I was taught the virtues that is competition and Social Darwinism. These early ideals shaped my hate for communism and similar political beliefs. But as before my brother not through blood was more important than even myself I could not live with myself If I saw him die by my hands.
Thus every day my moral went down and down into the depths of hell. I quietly prayed to God that maybe he would show me mercy. Mercy sadly was not the good Lord's purpose for me.I was put in the worse battles the war had ever seen I thought myself a modern Job the devil was allowed to torture me but not kill me.
What is it like to hate what you fight for? It tears you up inside, It makes you wage psychological battles with yourself. It ruins you, but I have found something to fight for. My fire haired friend is now my purpose...purpose I have found mine....Too late it seems for the gates of Heaven are now upon me….Falling...deeper….deeper...into the abyss.
“Carlton” a warm voice says “wake up Carlton.” I jolted up from a pile of leaves instantly reaching for my head. A thick bandage was applied in a careful wrapping. “bout time you woke up lazy ass” Stated Viktor, Ajdrian nodded in agreement. “We thought you were a goner for a while but Samuel insisted we keep tending to you. “Sam” I croaked “where is he?” “Right here buddy” said a familiar voice as Samuel's flaming head came into my vision “Its good to have you back.”