My Grandfather Wladimir Barkov came to Germany to find work when he was 20 years old in 1970. In the same year he found the love of his life. The language Barrier didn’t stop them and they started dating and one year later they had to marry because she was pregnant. They had a tough life in the former German Democratic Republic but Wladimir was a smart man, learned German very fast and worked his ass of. His wife, whose name I don’t remember, raised the child, Alexandra, while Wladimir took care of the money. Alexandra had a tough childhood as well but she started to work when she was 16 years old and had the same attitude as her father. At one point her father, Wladimir, got the chance to become the boss of the factory and even when the income was still low, he took the opportunity. When the big wall got smashed in 1989 my mother and grandfather started to expand and earned a good amount of money. With the fall of the big Wall my mother got to know a real gentleman called Jürgen and one year later I was born. The bad seed finally arrived.
I had a good childhood.. well at least my parents thought so. They gave me everything I needed. Well, at least everything that was payable with money. They were always working and I had a babysitter early on. I never really felt loved. Just by my grandfather. After his wife died, he spent every night with me in my bed. I had to do some things for him like rub some parts of his body but I got used to it very fast. When I started school it all got worse. My ‘’friends’’ were fucking assholes who were after our money. I had many toys and they always wanted to play with them. I started to get aggressive. I learned that you can trust no one when you have a large amount of money in your back. I never had a real friend, and when I told my colleagues to fuck off, they started to harass me. I had to buy them things or they hit me. It got worse over the years and in my freetime I took drugs to escape the reality. My grandfather still spent the nights with me… I tried to stop him but he just forced me to do.. these things. When I became 16 years old I had a change of mind. I will defend myself. These fuckers, including my grandfather, shouldn’t control my life. I started with my colleagues. So on my birthday I took a knife with me to school. On every birthday these bullies found another method to harass me. But not this time. They pushed me in the toilet and wanted to push my head in the toilet bowl. And I raged. I saw red and fought back. When the red slowly disappeared I saw two of the bullies on the ground. Blood around them and their faces full with stab wounds. The knife in my hand was red. The 3 other bullies in the toilet looked at me.
Terrified they started to scream and ran away. I sat down on the ground till the police arrived. I had to go to jail and was forced to take psychiatric counselling. It helped a little bit and I could calm down in prison. I made a lot of friends there and got some tattoos which should remind me of the time there.
My parents never visited me. They told me that I am a disgrace and the bad seed of the family. My grandfather went back to Chernarus when the fights were over in 2010. I had to spend 9 years in jail. During this time there was one bad incident where I got stabbed by a psycho in the breast. I barely survived but somehow I stayed calm. After 8 years I had a parole hearing and they allowed me to leave the prison for some days. I visited my parents.. but they just shouted at me and pushed me out of the mansion, which they owned by now. Some Judges started to feel bad for me because they noticed that it was mainly my parents who destroyed me. So they made an agreement. I should visit and stay with my grandpa. I panicked but still had to travel to Chernaurus. If I would break the agreement I had to go to prison again and I was kinda relieved to have some freedom. I arrived in Chernarus in the end of 2016. My grandfather picked me up from the airport. He lived in a town called Gorka. In the first night I had to do these things again… During the next weeks we went hunting and he showed me how to use rifles. Sometimes I was thinking about shooting in his back. But he had power over me. I.. I was useless. I did what he wanted. But my aggression came back. Right before my 25th birthday in april 2017 I couldn’t control myself and killed my grandad. I was quite strong cause I spent the time in prison with lifting. I had a big fight with my grandfather while we were on a hunting trip. He stabbed his hunting knife in my arm. But I ran. I was really fast and could grab a Shotgun from the hunting cabin. And I shot him. Not just one or two times. Six times in total. Till I couldn’t recognize his face. Then I took his knife and just stabbed him as often as I could.. I felt relieve. Till the police arrived.
I got arrested and after 2 weeks I was in prison. The government of Germany still tried to get me back but I never thought that I could return. It was tough on the Prison Island, where I was jailed, but the prisoners were like brothers to me. I never learned Chernarussian so I had to speak English with everyone. Most of the prisoners, and every officer spoke English pretty good so at least I didn’t had a language barrier. But I missed my counselling. It was difficult to control my aggression. But the other prisoners even helped me.. we started to do fistfights on a regular basis and I was able to calm down in between. The prison guards kinda liked me as well because I was quite nice to them, and besides the fistfights, I never made any trouble. But something changed. In the end of July the prison guards were more aggressive and we had the feeling that the food portions are getting less and less. We even heard bombings on the mainland and saw a Cargo plane which crashed somewhere in the horizon. The guards didn’t tell us anything until at one point we started to gather together and demonstrated. They called me in the office with the boss of the prison guards. And he told me about the problems on the mainland. He told me about people, who were shot multiple times, and still could walk. I laughed and didn’t believe him. but still he asked if I can gather the prisoners and help the prison guards to protect the island. I felt that it was urgent. WE, the prisoners, should help them? There is shit going on. And so we did. They gave us the order. The guards gave us batons and we should go along the coast and take care that nothing is coming onto the island. And it was crazy. People were coming. They were swimming, or rafting in boats to a prison island. We warned them, that they shouldn’t come on our island or we kill them. We had to do the dirty work and so we hit them with the batons till they didn't move. We took their corpses and burned them. It went pretty good for a few days. But on the 30th of July something happened. One of my roommates told me about a boat with a woman, and her dead husband on it. The dead husband looked rotten and he had a hole in his head, probably from a weapon. Well my mate just brought him to a pile of corpses and burned them. In the evening we both went to bed. The guards still had the control and so they just opened a few cells and closed the others, so that we won’t have a chance if we want to fight against them. This night.. was horrendous. I woke up because I heard some eating noises. I just said ‘’who the fuck is eating in the middle of the night and where you got the food from?’’. I heard some groaning and the eating noises ended. Someone stood up and looked at me from the side. I turned my head and saw my roommate, full with blood around his mouth. He immediately attacked me and I started to shout. Other inmates woke up and shouted as well till a guard arrived, opened the door and shot my mate. Right in the heart. This thing just groaned again and turned around. He attacked the guard and bite him. While this thing ate the guard I managed to take the keys and push both out of my cell. I closed the doors and sat myself in the corner. I saw my other two roommates with bitemarks everywhere. I remembered the husband my mate talked about, with the shot in his head. I went to my dead roommates and just hit their heads against the bed poles till they were smashed. When I did it to the second one I had the feeling that he was moving and groaning as well. But maybe it was just my imagination. Then I watched through the little opening in my cell door. I saw panicked people and these undead running around. We were lost. I sat in the corner again, tears over my face. After some time the noises stopped.
We failed. The order. It is over.
I am on my own.