So it began back in England, oh good old England. Place I lived in was a shithole, and a bad one. Yeah, I was one of them council estate kids. Mum was on benefits, Dad was killed from malaria when I was just a kid, he was an aid worker out in some African place, but nobody cares about whining. The fact is, my mother soon died, and all that was left was me and my cousins, which were already staying at ours seeing as though my stupid Aunt buggered off to Rome with some "Romeo". Anyway, it was me, Wulff and Charlotte. Before you bloody ask, yes, German names, at least for them, so don't ask... My aunt was a terrible parent, and none of us ever really heard from her again. So it was the three of us trying to make something for ourselves, seeing as though the government seemed to ignore our very existence.
I was the second oldest to Wulff, he was 24, I was 19, and his sister was only 17 when we left. A few days, call it a week maybe after Wulff hit 27, he became a photographer. It was perfect, I mean he could actually bring in money to the small family we had but of course all good things don't last. Eventually he was asked to go to "Chernarus" in the Green Sea, to the South of Russia. That's how he explained it, I think even he was a bit surprised about it, as none of us had ever heard, or probably learned, about Eastern countries. But he was able to take five family members, and I mean he only had us two so I guess we had to do.
So that was it... Off to Chernarus. All a bit too excited but none-the-less we arrived safely, and found our accommodation rather easily. We landed at a large airstrip somewhere in the Novigrad area, I had no idea where we were but Wulff seemed to have it all planned so we just stuck with him. From there, we boarded a small plane that had the most amazing views down to Chernarus' North East Airfield. From there, we were just a bus trip away from our accommodation. We were staying at "Отель земель", supposedly "Hotel of the Land"... So we set off, pictures here and there, bloody everywhere. Devil's Castle, the Island, we went everywhere, and after only a week everything went wrong, all wrong.
It was in the middle of the night, we knew tensions were getting bad in Chernarus and riots were taking place. We couldn't do anything about them other than to sit back, hide and hope it clears off soon. So that's exactly what we did, and that, that right there was the worst mistake of our lives... During the night, I'd say three o'clock, Charlotte was kidnapped. I'm not going to go too deep in detail, because in all honesty I didn't see much, but as far as I can recollect, a group of masked guys managed to unlock our hotel room and just, well took her. All I saw was them leaving outside in a big cargo truck. Of course, I woke up Wulff and we went searching. It was a horrible day, this infection thing was getting out of hand and we were listening in to a few local radio broadcasted that said advised us to either stay at home or just get the heck off the country, emphasis on the latter, but we weren't leaving without our family... It was quite simple actually, we just searched and searched, stopping at towns to drink from wells and practically beg for food, and when they didn't give we stole. Every town we went through Wulff begged for any information, and bugger all came up till we arrived at some Rogovo and a woman had heard and seen a group of what she called bandits heading up Green Mountain with cargo trucks full of women and girls. So that was that, we were heading to Green Mountain.
But don't think this entire search was easy, and I don't mean physically. My cousin, Wulff, was insane. The minute he lost her sister he became more and more blatantly fucked... His head was just, I don't know how to describe it. He always used to be caring, but in that search... He was becoming violent and literally beat the shit out of me multiple times for talking. But anyhow, nobody cares about beating, we arrived at Green Mountain and luckily for us, there was nothing to stop us walking in. We had heard a gunfight take place up there just before we reached the bottom of the hill and turns out some other hero-wannabes went and cleared them out. Lo and behold, the girls were there... But god, it was so grim. I walked into the room, it stank horrifically, and it was horrible. Bits here, there goddamn everywhere, and that's when Wulff saw Charlotte, lying there. Don't think this is a happy ending because it's not, the world is a fucked up place you know, so she died. She had gone to a better place, and Wulff, well I don't even know what to say about him. Somehow it was my fucking fault, so there we have it again. "Oh beat the shit out of Clancy, it's his fault your fucking sister died"... By this time the world was getting don up its arse as well.
Knowing that your staying with someone that could kill you in the blink of an eye could turn a man insane, especially when it's your cousin. I mean shit, if I ever brought her up he'd beat my face in, and there was no point fighting back because I'd just probably die, and not only that but I was a little pussy back then.
So we had been staying together, travelling, whatever you want to call it for a good few weeks, and there was one thing I got to keep from Wulff, and that was the radio... Obviously I told him it was to listen out for safe havens, anything that would keep us safe, but really? A safe haven, I mean correct me if I'm wrong, but it's the goddamn end of the world, nobody is doing shit for other people. No, the reason I had the radio was because I wanted to find other people, different than Wulff, or "Shepherd" as he was demanding me to call him. I wanted to find people like me that wanted to get the hell out of this mess, or at least make it better for ourselves rather than just making what seems like shit even shitter. So that's exactly what I did. I found a guy over the radio who was willing to meet up, of course I was sceptical at first because I mean, I had no idea who he was but he was better than Wulff. Anyone was better than Shepherd. One night whilst we were out camping South of Lopatino, I decided it was time to go. I left my cousin out of sheer hope he would get the damn hell out of here and I would never see him again. I didn't want to kill him, he was my cousin, but I couldn't deal with his shit on top of this fucking outbreak. I took my bag and went, nothing more, no sound. "Jack" from the radio had promised to be at the edge of the North West Airfield, hidden away from the eye, he warned me he'd be armed and I told him the same. I had no gun, just a crossbow which I usually used for hunting but I thought I could've taken someone out with it, at least injured. But I found him, after decades of help, sat next to a bush holding the radio which he had used to speak to me with, and I went up to him, and that was that. Nothing special, he agreed to travel with me and we headed off pretty much. He even set me up with a revolver with a handful of rounds, rounds I would need.
I never forgot about Wulff, wherever I was he was always at the back of my mind. I didn't care about him, I was worried we'd somehow clash and that would be it, but that didn't happen, at least not for a while.
Jack and I had been travelling for about a week, and everything was calming down. The infection thing was still going about and we came across more each day but they were becoming less of a problem as we learned how to deal with them. In fact, everything was going perfectly. We had food and water that would last us at least a week, and we had weaponry that we could protect ourselves. Then the inevitable happened. We met a large group, around seven of them, and they seemed friendly enough. We all got settled down in a barn and that was when one of them asked us a single question. An innocent one that shook me so bad I felt my teeth clench.
"So you fellas heard o' this Shepherd fella?"
What was I supposed to say? Yes, no!? I sat there blank minded, he must have been doing something, saying something to people? It's funny looking back on it. Well at the time, I was scared shitless. But now I look back and remember it as probably the best moment of my life, at least the build up to it.
So I admitted it to them, I was his cousin after all. I told them about Charlotte, about the beating. Everything, and it was a story worth telling. Weirdly, they liked it. Not in that way, of course they didn't like the beating the shit out of me part, but I'll admit it's an interesting story, and after I told them about it, they made a promise. They promised that they'd put him down, so there'd be no chance of him finding me. My own cousin? Somebody was asking me, if I wanted him to kill my cousin? My family? And you want to know the fucked up thing? I fucking said yes! I looked at the guy and began mumbling,
"Yes... Yes I do" Then the courage built up in me and I began shouting, "Yeah! I fucking want him dead! I never want to his fucking face again!".
Oh, and before whoever's reading this asks, I guess this is the point I turned a bit fucked. So fucked it changed me for the rest of my time here on Chernarus, for my decision would have the consequence which causes this.
So the next morning we set out to find him. The group somehow knew where he was which took me by surprise but I wanted him dead. I wanted the screaming voice in the back of my head to stop. The sense of freedom overcame me and the adrenaline filled my veins. It felt amazing and he wasn't even dead yet. Jack noticed and tried asking what's wrong. I replied with something so simple it made me feel like something out of a film.
"I've never felt fucking better"
So there we were. We arrived. Turns out my cousin was hiding out at a shed trying to hold passers-by up as they passed "his" road. The stupid fuck never saw us coming. Bang, the door goes down and these guys, Jesus Christ, they literally grabbed him and chucked him to the ground and began pummelling his face in before a word was even said. Finally he was left to sit there, two rifles aimed at his face. At this moment I expected him to look up at me and smile, say something vile or spit at me. But I saw a different face, much different than what I wanted. I wanted him to be filled with hate. But what I saw was tears. I saw trembling. He was scared of us, he was scared of me. This was when I became who I am, I wanted something else, but this was even better. He sat staring at me, tears running down his bloody face and he pulls out a single coin, a single silver one. Somehow I think I knew what he wanted me to do, though he never made it clear. I assumed he wanted it put down to luck.
"Heads... Or Tails Cousin..."
His decision was final. The coin was flipped and at that moment I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life.
And before I could even load the round in my revolver, his blood was splattered all over me. I had nearly forgotten the groups side of the deal... I won't go into much detail on to what happened after he was shot. Their group were pretty quick to leave, and Jack and I weren't too keen on staying around. We didn't bury him, the fucker didn't deserve it, no, we just left him sitting against the shed. Though, even though the group left, one man decided to ask to join Jack and I. It took a lot of his persuading but eventually we decided to give him a chance. To be honest, it was my desire to test Prince's luck, and he succeeded, called tails, and of course, we flipped tails. If it had been heads, I would have stuck to it. That's how I made decisions for a while, and I liked it that way.
That was an extract of my writing for my old group, we were a bunch of, not sure how to describe it. I've been in hiding since re-forming the group, people... People just don't understand my aim, and you know what, it's my aim not theirs, so I'm doing this myself. I've saved up a bunch of old tapes, CDs and vinyls, and fuck it I'm making a station.